Life with Liv!

Picture my friend Zoe took while in Canada:)

Since February of this past year, I have felt like every day and week of my life has been full of change, newness, and growth-which has been really difficult but also very necessary for me.

I am a nursing student at the University of Texas at Austin. I just completed my Junior year, but the Spring semester of my Junior year was very hard on me. The first semester of my Freshman year was definitely the most difficult season of my life, but this past season was hard on me in a very different way. As I process why that is and what that has looked like, a lot of factors come to my mind.

To be forward, a lot of things about my life have changed in the past 5-6 month. I started clinical rotations this past semester, which was a huge leap for me. Now I was actually out in the real world, caring for patients and learning how to become what I have been working towards since Freshman year of high school-a nurse! It was all incredibly exciting, and I remember feeling so relieved when I slowly realized that being in the clinical setting and caring for others was something I could see myself doing as a career. I think it’s one thing to study and have classes for nursing, but it’s an entirely new thing to actually be in the hospital and using what I’ve learned in real-life ways. As exciting as it was, it was all new to me, and I think it made me realize something that has been a huge theme of my life this past half year or so: real, adult life is coming for me, and it’s not coming slowly at all.

Being a Junior in college at the age of 21 is incredibly different than being an 18 year old Freshman. Moving to college is a huge transition, but this past season has been a big transition in a different way, and there are a few factors that have caused it to feel that way.

One of those factors was primarily what I mentioned before: my dream career becoming much more of a tangible reality than it used to be. Being a nurse is no longer a far-fetched dream for me: it’s a real, reachable career that is in my grasp now. It feels exciting, but also very scary and strange to know that I’m no longer a little Freshman sitting in intro Biology-I’m a 21 year old assisting patients with medication and studying different disease processes. Huge jump, even though it’s an exciting and great one. I’ve never been great at accepting change, but I wonder if anyone is truly a master at it-if you are, tell me your secrets!

Another way my life has greatly changed this past half year has been in the friendship realm. I used to be someone who wanted as many friends as possible-I thought I was limitless, able to maintain tons and tons of friendships, stretching myself thin trying to just be known by everyone. The Lord really humbled me this past half year, revealing to me how selfish I was prioritizing quantity of friendships over quality. We as Christians are created to and meant to thrive in community-it is one of God’s great gifts to us, getting to have people around us to encourage us, hold us, and love The Lord helped me realize that having friendship and sisterhood that I am intentional and unconditional in love with is what I am created for, what we all are created for. I started seeking different things from friendship, which was a huge adjustment. I realized a lot of my own shortcomings as a friend, realized how selfish and superficial I could be around people, and realized that in order to be known by others, I had to let myself be known. Sounds like a simple truth, but being open about who I am has always been somewhat of a struggle for me-the Lord asked me to set aside my pride and humble myself before others, to gain intentional connection and Christlike friendship with the girls around me. It was incredibly hard acknowledging my own shortcomings, but its been sweet to step into a new season of learning how to love my friends the way Jesus does and set myself and my pride aside for the benefit of others. It’s still something I am learning every single day, but an older member of my community at church told me that growing and maturing not only in faith but also as a human being is seeking deep connection with others over popularity or image. I used to really care about my image in front of others, and I would be lying if I said that is something I don’t still struggle with. But I am grateful to the Lord that I have been able to dive into all of these things and seek to look more like Jesus in this way. Surrendering this part of my life to God has been incredibly refreshing.

But it was also really hard, sad, and lonely! Realizing that I didn’t feel known or close to my community was incredibly difficult, and realizing that that is my fault and my own doing was even more difficult! Getting to cling to Christ in this huge, difficult season of change has been what’s gotten me through it all, and I am excited to continue exploring what it means to live fully surrendered to Him in every single aspect of my life.

Another huge change in my life this past half year: falling in love with my Braxton! I met Braxton in the very beginning of February, a few days before my 21st birthday. I was in a season of thoroughly enjoying my singleness and was looking forward to learning what the Lord had in store for me as a single person. I HATE how the term “season of singleness” gets thrown around. At this point in my life (and I know this sounds super dramatic) I was believing and accepting that singleness would be my forever calling, and weirdly enough gained a huge sense of peace over that. I realized that if the Lord was calling me to singleness, He was going to fulfill me in that, because He is faithful and would never lead me to something not written out specifically for me. No matter what my story would be, I knew I would find joy and fulfillment in glorifying Him in it, because if He promises us anything, it’s that fulfillment comes in surrendering all to Him, no matter what suffering we endure on this side of Heaven.

So, and I hate saying this because I feel it’s a huge cliche, the very season in my life that I finally accepted and appreciated singleness and found true fulfillment in my relationship with Jesus is when I met Brax. Braxton entered my life as smoothly and cleanly as butter spreads on toast. From the moment we met, it was clear that the Lord had intended it. I plan on writing another post explaining the details and nuances of Brax and I’s relationship, but I can firmly say there was a peace and certainty that settled over both of us as we began to pursue dating. He asked me to be his girlfriend on our second official date, and I have been falling in love with him ever since. Stepping into a God-centered, stable relationship has been new for both of us. Regardless of how huge of a blessing it’s been for me, I think it really made me realize how much I had changed as a person, and how true adulthood was arriving for me. Braxton and I have been very upfront about how serious we are with each other from the beginning. I have loved every moment of my relationship with Braxton, and how he has continually pointed me to God, sat with me in my darkest moments, and validated every feeling and struggle I’ve gone through. I’m a real, upfront person with my struggles and feel things very deeply and publicly. Braxton is very similar to me in that way and has met and complemented me in ways I never could have imagined. Being able to step into this relationship has been a huge surprise but also blessing I did not see coming. Navigating what adult and Christlike partnership looks like has been such a new and sweet experience with him, and I am very grateful for the ways it has shaped and sanctified me. I have learned more about selflessness, unconditional regard, allowing actions to support words, respect, attraction, and support through my relationship with Braxton. What a blessing it has been to step into a relationship like this in this past 6 months.

There have been other smaller yet significant changes in my life that have propelled me into a new season as well this past season. My younger brother graduated high school, meaning my parents are now empty nesters. Navigating this new season and dynamic with them has been very interesting for me. I also feel that my dynamic with my parents has grown in its own way, and I’m sure it does for everyone as they grow older. Leaning more into independence has been something my parents have encouraged and set me up for, but it has not been easy. I feel like growing up is very much like getting thrown into the deep end and learning how to swim, no matter how much cushion your parents may provide. My car was stolen this past month, and navigating it independently is something I really wanted to try. My parents were still a huge part of it, but not having them physically here was definitely a hard and new experience, and figuring out how things like insurance, tow trucks, police, and costs of things work has been all new to me.

Overall, this past half year has been so much for me, and I am sure this next half year will be similar as I grow into experiencing even more new things in life. My favorite verse that I will likely use in almost every writing I post on here is Ecclesiastes 3:11, Ecclesiastes 3 in general. I’ll post an excerpt here and you’ll see why.

There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace. What do workers gain from their toil? I have seen the burden God has laid on the human race. He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-11

As you can see, the Bible justifies, glorifies, and beautifies seasons of change and the beauty of each one having a purpose.

If you have spent the time to read this through, I hope you to see beauty and purpose in whatever season you are enduring currently. Reach out to me to talk anytime. There is a time and purpose for this season in your life <3.